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Category: Uncategorized

Monogamy, A New Look

Posted on November 27, 2017 in Uncategorized

The dictionary definition of monogamy is: married to only one woman. Yet we give many definitions to monogamy in society today.

I had to take a look at this word when I realized that I have always defined myself as monogamous but I found that quite ludicrous in retrospect given my life experience.

In my earlier years I used cheating as a way to get out of relationships that were not working. However being a straight forward person I would immediately tell the person I was in relationship with about my indiscretion. To my amazement most of them would want to know who was better in bed and if the other party had made me orgasm. After that usually followed the best sex to date we had ever had. In the end I would have to break up with them anyway.

Kind of mind boggling really.

Over the years I cleaned up my act and did not cheat on my monogamous relationships anymore. I just seemed to manage to never have a relationship that lasted over 6 months to a year. Seemed like serial monogamy.

The ones that I did have longer term ended up cheating on me… pay backs are a bummer if you believe in karma.

One day a man that I was interested in told me he was polyamorous. I wasn’t really sure if I was interested; after all wouldn’t that open the relationship up to all sorts of issues. Then I had to laugh, and say.” Well I guess all my cheating monogamous relationships haven’t worked out so well … so why not!”

Can we really say we are monogamous if we have had more than one long term relationship in our lives? Can we say we are monogamous if we have never been married? What about if we have had multiple partners? What about affairs of the heart, are you still monogamous if you have an emotional affair? Is it just intercourse or any sexual act you must avoid to be monogamous? Or maybe it is simply defined as someone who does not practice infidelity.

Anyway you look at it; monogamy is not something that has a hard line definition.

There are 40 million sexless couples in the US and I guarantee most are just talking about sexless in their own relationship.There are so many married men cruising single sex sites looking for intimate discreet meetings, and hitting the “massage parlor” it isn’t even funny. Women are mostly having internet emotional affairs that are perhaps even more hot and heavy and destructive.

So what do we do?

Do we continue to live in the illusion we are monogamous or do we start to really have candid conversations about what we need or want in our relationships?

I am not advocating a poly life or a monogamous life or anything else. What I am saying is that we should take off the labels of our preconceived ideas and start talking about reality.

The fact that men are hardwired to ejaculate in a woman and then move on to another is an evolutionary design. And even if the man does not physically stray he might certainly use porn and spill his seed with different women.

There are studies that show after ejaculation men have less interest in the woman he is with, even if he loves her. Women sense this and want to be reassured after love making and want to talk and connect to keep their bond that is created hormonally during sexual loving.

When a woman does not have her connection needs met, she becomes less willing to be physical with her man. Her partner in turn has less opportunity to show his love, as men show love through physical interaction.

Can two seemingly juxtaposing agendas be met?

There are art forms of union (sexual loving) that do not aspire to male ejaculation but instead teach the man to orgasm without ejaculation. Separating orgasms and ejaculation has more benefits than helping men stay bonded to their partners.

By learning to orgasm, instead of ejaculating, men can stay in the dance of love longer and leave behind their need to “get “something from their partners. They can instead, let the focus of the journey be more intimate. This is turn leads women to having those deep intimacy needs met.

Now I am not saying that this is in itself is going to fix the issue of our seeming inability to stay monogamous, but education on what is happening behind the scenes can lead to better communication and that can lead to at least understanding what the others needs are.

Perhaps it’s time to have a monogamous conversation in your relationship today.

Talking Dirty to Your Lover

Posted on November 24, 2017 in Uncategorized

If your sex life is in need of a boost and your normal dirty talk just isn’t working anymore then it’s time to seek out a little help. One of the best ways to boost your dirty talk vocabulary is to seek the help of a 1-900 phone sex operator. Just remember this costs money and can run up a phone bill very quickly!

Contrary to popular belief both men and women enjoy hearing how much their lover pleasures them. They also enjoy hearing how their partner is going to pleasure them.
Phone sex operators are usually very accommodating. Which means if you tell her or him you and your lover are interested in them talking dirty to both of you they will be happy to fulfill your request.

Try as hard as it may be to actually listen and hear what they are saying and remember it so next time you and your lover can repeat it to each other and add your own words and suggestions to go along with it. This method is used by many couples so don’t be embarrassed, just look at it as a new experience.

You may even learn a few new words and a few new ways to say those words. Sometimes just changing the way you say something can make a big difference if you are usually quiet and shy then try making your voice a little deeper and sexier when you tell your lover “Don’t Stop!” These two simple words could change the whole experience if said in a different tone of voice.

A lot of men and women prefer their dirty talk to include names for their body parts that are not found in any dictionary! This is fine too if you prefer your penis to be called a c**k or your vagina to be called a “pussycat” then that is what you should refer to them as.

Describing what it is you would like to do to your lover or have they do to you is also very effective. For example if your lover was to say to you “I want to run my tongue over every inch of your body, smelling and tasting all your sweetness as I go.” A comment like that would at least allow the imagination to start to run wild.

Talking dirty to your lover shouldn’t be a chore, and it doesn’t have to be. Just have fun with it and enjoy it!

What Is Dating, Really?

Posted on November 21, 2017 in Uncategorized

While having a much needed girls’ night with one of my besties, we inevitably transitioned from venting about our work week frustrations to discussing our ever changing and utterly confusing romantic engagements. She is dating a guy who is blatantly in love with her but dances around the topic saying everything but those three little words. They see each other more than once a week, are exclusively sexually involved with one another (which he refers to as making love), and they have plans set as far as six months into the future… however, he does not call her his girlfriend and does not refer to them as dating.

I mean, what is dating… really? Some people think you can’t use the term until you are explicitly girlfriend and boyfriend, making it synonymous with in a relationship. Others use it to define a scenario in which essentially you have been on one or more dates with a certain person and you believe that there will be more to come. Of course, there is just the general sense of “going on a date”, which could be used the very first time you have a face to face meeting with a person with the understanding that there is mutual attraction or at least the potential for mutual attraction. Dating is one of those words that falls in the category of “hooking up” since the connotation varies from person to person. To some it’s sex but to others it’s a kiss and it really can fall into the whole gambit in between.

So, this again begs the question, what is dating? Well, to me, it can be any of the things above. However, what I am looking for when I say I want to date a certain someone or be in a relationship, that’s a different story. In the most abridged, uncouth terms it is someone who hangs out with me on a somewhat regular basis, who is a friend, and who provides me with regular sex but is not sleeping with anyone else. I’m not going to ask for more than that, the other niceties should come naturally if the partnership is right. I once was dating a guy (in the sense of going out with him with the intent of going out again) who didn’t want a relationship for a number of commitment-phobic reasons-one being that he didn’t want to have to text me during the day. Daytime technological small talk is not in the dictionary definition of dating and it isn’t in most girls’ rule books either. Yes, it would be nice to know they are thinking of you, know what they are doing, and get a momentary break from an exhausting, stressful work day. However, this is something one should do because they want to, not because they feel required to.

A relationship isn’t about obligations and is not an exchanging of mutual coercions. It is something that starts small with getting to know one another and becoming comfortable together that evolves into an innate desire to communicate more and spend time with one another. We don’t jump into hanging out in one another’s social circles and travel home to meet parents, we progress to want these things as our comfort level and feelings grow… if they grow. The reality is, most of the time, it doesn’t get this far. Most experiences with dating involve a couple dinners in which you see if your social skills, lifestyles, and personalities mesh and, if there is attraction, you progress to higher levels of physicality and explore how sexually compatible you are with each other. Oftentimes, we are ambivalent and thus he or she is not the one and we move on. So, what is dating… really? Ultimately, it is having a friend whom you have semi-regular to regular sex with, who doesn’t bang anyone else… anything beyond this is up to the people involved.

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