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4 Common Reasons Why a Married Woman Loses Motivation About Having Sex With Her Husband

Posted on September 19, 2017 in Uncategorized

If asked what was more important to you, which option would you pick: cuddling with your husband or having sex him?

While many of us would say “Cuddling,” our husbands would probably take the sex!

Why?

For one, most men are more body-centered and sexually motivated than women. And we, on the other hand, are more relational and emotional.

While men will give affection to get sex, women will give sex to get affection. This difference of opinions can often cause conflict within the marriage.

I have often asked God why sex is so important to men, but not as much to women. One person said that if both the husband and wife had the same motivation about sex, nothing would ever get done. The kids, the house, and the dog would be neglected.

So God created us to balance one another out when it comes to our approach on sex. With this being said, one of the most major parts of marriage is sex. However, many women don’t enjoy sex and could ultimately live their entire lives without ever having sex with their husbands.

Below you will find four common reasons why women often lose motivation about having sex with their husbands:

1) Emotions. Women tend to be very emotional at different points in their lives. Much of it is hormonal, but some of it can be cultural or familial. For example, if a woman’s mother often allowed her hormones to rule her to where she was often “touchy” and sensitive about different situations, chances are this woman will learn to allow her hormones to rule her unless she makes a decision to rule her emotions instead.

2) Fatigue. As women, we are often a primary care giver for the children, especially if we stay at home. This role of being there for our children, (whether we work inside or outside of the home), is not uncommon because we are born nurturers. There’s also housework, mental fatigue, and many other things that can drain our energy throughout the day.

3) Preoccupation. In addition to being deprived of energy, we can become easily distracted when it comes to focusing on sex. Whether it’s a crying baby or a phone call we often establish a habit of allowing other things to take priority over our love lives.

4) Stress. Our emotions and preoccupation can build up which will ultimately lead to stress. What is stress? One dictionary calls stress a state of mental tension that causes feelings of worry or anxiety. Stress will completely cause any passion we have for our husbands to disappear because whatever we stress over will become our focal point in lives, and ultimately to take priority over having sex.

Emotions, fatigue, preoccupation, and stress are a common part of life. However, there are ways that we can put each one into proper perspective so we can obtain balance and experience an extraordinary sex life within the marriage relationship.

Spirituality and the Morality of Sex and Promiscuity

Posted on September 17, 2017 in Uncategorized

Myths abound surrounding the topics of sex, promiscuity, and spirituality.

Consider this anonymous feedback we received from “Emily”: “So two guys who obviously aren’t into commitment write about what a less-than-desirable ideal sexual commitment is, with no thought of feeding the kids. How very cool. Strong families are the bedrock for a strong city or state or nation. We must rise above promiscuity in order to achieve greater things and optimum survival for all. That’s what ethics is all about. The more preoccupied people become with sex, the less productive and less able they are to achieve spiritual, intellectual growth, and this would also apply to cities, states and nations. Therefore, this is not only about better survival for individuals, but also for our society and for all mankind.”

We have always promoted a healthy, responsible, and honest approach to dating, sex, and relationships. Clearly, this person is misrepresenting our writings.

The definition of “promiscuous,” according to Merriam-Webster dictionary, is “having many sexual partners.” Everyone has a different idea about how many sexual partners in a lifetime would put them in the “promiscuous” category.

Also, it’s important to note that the word promiscuous is also defined as “without discrimination,” as if one would sleep with anyone, anytime, no matter what. We believe that’s unhealthy and don’t advocate doing it. For this article, we define promiscuous as not limiting yourself to one partner, while being honest, safe, selective, cautious, and responsible.

“A promiscuous person is a person who is getting more sex than you are.” Victor Lownes

It’s shocking that someone would attempt to control the behavior of consenting adults–strangers they don’t even know–though it shouldn’t be if you consider how many control-freak busybodies there are in this world (e.g., bureaucrats, politicians, and lobbyists with a moral superiority complex). “Morals” are subjective and a judgmental, puritanical attitude is about as far from being spiritual as you can get.

“Chastity: The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.” Aldous Huxley

“Rising above promiscuity” has nothing to do with “achieving greater things and (the) optimum survival for all.” In fact, repressing your sexual urges can be dangerous because it results in perversion. There’s nothing wrong with consensual sex between adults, and a healthy sex life doesn’t diminish productivity or spiritual and intellectual growth–in fact it can absolutely enhance it once you get over your sexual hang-ups.

Mutually satisfying sex with one person exclusively over the course of a lifetime is a nice thought, but unfortunately it’s extraordinarily rare and pure fantasy for most people. When the sexual attraction dies (often after two to seven years) you can remain companions, but if that’s not fulfilling enough for you, do you really prefer a slow, inner death, just to prove to everyone your relationship can last 50 years? Attention all couples: more communication and honesty about this topic will decrease the risk of secret affairs.

Emily’s comment about, “no thought of feeding the kids,” is absolutely ironic because we are staunch advocates of putting the child first (i.e., creating a child contract rather than a marriage contract–we write about that concept previous articles), instead of the selfish needs of two unhappy adults who are trying, unsuccessfully, to conform to the nearly impossible expectations and demands of traditional marriage.

“Ethics” is all about transparency and honesty-a person can be monogamous or non-monogamous and still be ethical. The problem is when one is deceitful, such as when a married person cheats (and statistics show at least 50% of married people do cheat).

The survival and advancement of society and mankind requires, in part, productivity, responsibility, and integrity. It’s thwarted by unhappy people in sexless marriages, attempting to permanently uphold the fantasy of the nuclear family. An approximate 60% divorce rate, in addition to countless unhappy couples attempting to “make it work,” suggests that the prevailing marriage model is absolutely dysfunctional.

It’s okay to have believed the myth about promiscuity being evil; its perfectly acceptable and natural to have many sexual partners over the course of your life, as long as you are responsible, safe, and respectful.

Copyright © 2014 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo

Personal Change and the Importance of Goals In Overcoming Sex or Porn Addiction

Posted on September 16, 2017 in Uncategorized

There is an old Cornish Proverb that says ‘Those who will not be ruled by the rudder must be ruled by the rock”. This is in reference to the strands of Cornwall England where so many ships were run aground or wrecked in the middle ages because they failed to navigate the passageways to get their ships safely to shore. The application to us is that if we do not listen to reason and or take control of our lives then we must suffer the consequences of just going wherever life takes us.

There is another way that this Proverb can read and that is “Those who will not be ruled by the rutter must be ruled by the rock”. What? You might say? Did I spell it wrong? Actually no and let me explain why. The word “rudder” means the vertical blade at the stern of a vessel that can be turned to guide the direction of the ship. The word “rutter” is actually a more little known word that most do not know. The word “rutter” as defined by dictionary.com as

“A descriptive atlas of the Middle Ages, giving sailing directions and providing charts showing rhumb lines and the location of ports and various coastal features.”

We may also want to define “rhumb” while we are at it: “A curve on the surface of a sphere that cuts all meridians at the same angle. It is the path taken by a vessel or aircraft that maintains a constant compass direction”.

A ship that is ruled by a “rudder” is one that is ruled by a physical or fairly rudimentary device that all ships have – they just don’t build them without them and if they did no one would buy them. The “rudder’ needs to be operated by someone to affect the ships direction and that “operator” needs to have the knowledge of “where” and “how” to turn the vessel to guide it safely to its destination.

The “rutter” really is the key to guiding the ship or vessel safely to its destination because the “rutter” or map is one that has a cumulative knowledge of those who have gone before on the same voyage and have recorded where the “rocks” and dangerous areas are and gives exact directions on the safest route to take to get to the desired destination. The “rutter” also directs the operator to the proper course to maintain a “constant compass direction”, which is important if you want to get to your destination in a timely manner and not be wandering all over the ocean!

The wisdom in this analogy is that unless we want to wander through life without a direction, a map, or “a rutter” of where we want to go then we will either never accomplish anything of any significance or the more dangerous consequence of this mind set is that we will be thrown mercilessly into the “rocks” of life and suffer greater loss, damage, death, or disease from failing to direct our lives in a safe and more desired direction!

Another famous quote to interject at this point would be:

“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, ‘It might have been’.” John Greenleaf Whittier quotes (American Writer, 1807-1892)

To look back on our life and see love, accomplishment, success, family, friends, and wonderful memories will fill us with satisfaction and happiness. To look back on a life filled with addiction will fill us with hollow, unsatisfying, emptiness.

Goals are the key difference between these two drastically different outcomes. By designing your own personal “Rutter” to guide your life as well as following the paths to good destinations that others have forged will help anyone who is struggling with addiction or the way their life is going to change their final outcome from one of misery to one of joy, satisfaction, and happiness!

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